Everyone and every place has darkness of some kind, but some towns’ secrets aren’t always what they seem to be. Some people lie about something to simply protect themselves, but others choose to keep secrets in order to protect others. When the town of Haven has a secret, it shouldn’t be revealed, otherwise, something very bad will happen and every time, someone must give their life to find the source of the trouble, whether by choice or by force.
At Warehouse 13, there are six agents. One is Leena, the owner of the B&B where some agents live. Another is Arthur Nelson, or Weisfelt depending on who you ask. Artie is the head agent and always grumpy, mainly when Claudia is designing something she shouldn’t.
One day at the warehouse, Leena was doing inventory and Artie was checking the computer. They thought they would only have one ping to let them know they have a new mission.
As Leena was checking David's Slingshot off the list, she heard her Farnsworth device start beeping. “Yes, Pete,” Pete is the warehouse goofball, and he gets feelings about what’s going to happen every once in a while.
“What is it?” asked Leena. “Don’t tell me you forgot something.”
“No, he didn’t, for a change. We need to know about Shirley Manson’s Guitar” Myka, Pete’s partner and the expert on anything book related, said.
“Hey! I don’t forget things, you’ve forgotten more than I have,” Pete said, knowing he was wrong.
“Whatever you say, Pete. Try asking Duke Erikson, he should be able to help.”
“Alright, see you when we get back,” Helena said.
As Leena was finishing up, she decided to check up on Artie. “Hey, Artie. Found anything unusual going on lately?” she asked.
“Not yet, but you know the life of a Warehouse agent” Artie replied, “Check up on Claude and Steve, I’m sure I’ll have something for them.”
“Of course. We both know there’s always something.”
When she got to the B&B, Claudia, a tech geek and warehouse expert on anything music-related, and Steve, former ATF and devout Buddhist, were on the couch watching The Librarians, as usual making fun of how unrealistic it is.
“Really? If you send him back in time and make it so Shakespeare doesn’t become Prospero,” Steve compiled, as usual, “Everything would change.”
“It’s so nice having time off for once, it’s been so long,” Claudia said.
“You wish you were with Helena and the others, don’t you?” Leena asked Claudia.
“Yeah, I kind of do,” she replied.
“Claudia, Steve, I have a ping for you!” Artie yelled.
“Come on, Artie, this was supposed to be our week off,” Claudia replied.
“Well, I’m sorry but Pete and Myka are in Wisconsin with Helena,” Artie replied. Helena was an agent at Warehouse 12 from 1889-1914, had a daughter named Christina, and happens to be H. G. Wells.
“Ugh! Fine, Artie, but you owe us a week off. Time to pack, I guess. But you owe us a drinking tour of New Orleans, Artie.”
“What? No! You’re going to find an artifact, so go.”
In Haven, Audrey is a master at helping the troubled, but I’m sure you’d figure that out on your own. She is a former FBI agent and Nathan’s girlfriend. Nathan Wuornos is the police chief and can’t feel anything other than Audrey, because she is immune to the troubles. Claire is the local psychiatrist and a skin-wearer named Arla Cogan, which Haven PD calls the bolt-gun killer, that kills people so she can create a body. Fortunately for the warehouse, Claire has nothing to do with this story.
At The Gray Gull, Audrey Parker and Dr. Claire Callahan were trying to recover some more of Lucy Ripley’s memories. “Did you remember anything else?” Claire asked.
“No, same as last time,” Audrey replied, clearly annoyed.
“Just give it time, recovering memories from a past life is hard.”
“But this is different, I didn’t lose them because of some accident, I lost them because of the barn.”
“Still, it will come back.”
“How’s it going up here?” asked Nathan.
“It’s going fine,” Audrey replied “Nathan, please tell me we have a case, I need a break.” “We do have one, how does flying cars sound?”
“Sounds like Haven.”
After a few hours on a plane, they were finally there. “So, what does the file say?” Claudia asked.
“It says John Carter was beheaded in his home and there were no signs of forced entry.”
“Great, a wacko artifact. Who should we ask first?”
“Probably Mr. and Mrs. Lupo, who reported it.”
“Then let’s go. You drive, you did rent the type of car you own, so it makes sense.”
“So that’s what being hit by a flying car does to someone, looks like it hurts,” Audrey remarked.
“It didn’t actually, he was killed on impact” Dr. Lucassi replied.
“Have you ID’ed him yet?” Nathan asked. “Not yet, we’re definitely close, though.”
“Call us when you do.”
“All right. One last thing, he had a tattoo like the one on your arm, Nathan.”
“That’s great, now isn’t it?”
“So, you reported Mr. Carter’s death, correct?” Steve asked.
“Yes. He was such a nice man, I don’t understand why someone would want to kill him.”
“What’s that tattoo on his arm?” Claudia asked.
“Well, that’s The Guard’s tattoo, everyone knows that.”
“What’s The Guard?”
“Well, you must not be from around here. They help troubled people get to Haven. Who were you two again?”
“I’m Agent Jinks, ATF. This my partner, Agent Donovan”
“Yes, definitely not from around here.”
Back with Nathan and Audrey, They started talking about what to do about the Guard tattoo.
“So, you’re to contact Jordan, right?”
“Of course, Audrey. Why don’t you help find anything near the crime scene.”
“Speaking of that, Dr. Lucassi is calling. Hello, do you who our victim is?”
“Yes, his name is Roger Jackson. He works at a coffee shop; I'll send you the location.”
Meanwhile, Claudia and Steve were figuring out whether they should get the police involved.
“Should we ask the police about The Guard or ask around town?” Claudia asked.
“let’s ask the police, they’re more likely to know” Steve replied.
“Look out!” Claudia yelled, tackling him to the ground, “you ok?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Was that van flying?”
“Yeah, I’d say it was. Could the artifact do more than one thing?”
“Perhaps. We should defiantly get the police’s help now.”
As Nathan went to see Jordan, second in command of the Guard, in the dark, misty woods of Haven, something had to happen.
“Hey, Duke what are you doing out here?” Duke Crocker is a local smuggler and helps the police sometimes. His trouble is when he kills someone, and their trouble disappears. He also owns The Gray Gull.
“I don’t know, I was on my boat, then I was here. Why do people live in Haven anymore?”
“Who knows, Duke? Come on, hop in. Just listen to me for once, stay in the truck”
“No promises”
In the meantime, Claudia and Steve met Dwight, Vince and Dave.
“Are you all right?” Dwight Hendrickson, Guard member and local clean-up guy of anything that the troubles cause, asked.
“Wait, aren’t you two those feds looking into John Carter’s death?” Dave Teagus, co-owner of the Haven Herald along with his brother, Vince, asked them.
“Yes, we are. What do you know about flying mini-vans?” Claudia Asked.
“Nothing, that’s sound crazy” Vince replied, obviously lying.
“Really? You sure about that?” Steve said, wondering whether he should trust them or not. “Well, there was that one time when-”
“Vince, what are doing?” Dave whispered.
“Well, we can’t just lie, they saw it too.”
“Oh, all right, fine. Go ahead.”
“Twenty-seven years ago, Charlotte Diltetbarm had a wind trouble, very powerful and very dangerous, it could be her daughter, Emily.”
“Good to know. We’ll investigate it.”
“Just make sure you don’t mention her to anyone. If it’s her daughter, we don’t need anyone else investigating her.”
After talking to Vince, Dave and Dwight, they got back on their way to the police station.
“Hey, is that a crime scene?” Steve asked.
“I think so, we have to find the police there” Claudia replied.
“Hey, Steve Jinks, ATF, what happened?”
“He…drove his car into a tree” Dr. Lucassi replied, struggling to come up with a lie.
“Really? Then what tree? The one I’d say is about 200 yards away?” Claudia remarked.
“Fine, he got hit by a flying car. Since it’s 2012, that doesn’t really make sense.”
“You’d be surprised, almost got by a flying mini-van 10 minutes ago” Steve said.
“And I almost spontaneously combusted because of a Viking ladle once,” Claudia added, “Spill it, Frasier”
“You know about the troubles then, right?”
“Troubles? Something like that. What do you know about John Carter?”
“The beheaded guy? Not much. He was a local cab driver, but that’s it.”
“Could this trouble do more than one thing?”
“No, one person has one trouble. There could be more than one person. Ask Nathan Wuornos, he might know more” Lucassi replied.
“Good, we’re here. Remember, Duke, stay here. You got that?” Nathan said, making sure Duke heard him.
“Yes, fine. You know, what I do is more fun.”
“What? Smuggling?”
“Well, is that what I said?”
“It’s you, Duke. You don’t have to say it.”
While still at the crime scene, Claudia’s Farnsworth started beeping.
“Hey, Pete, what’s up?” Claudia asked.
“Just checking in how’s it going?” Pete replied.
“Fine, what are you eating?”
“Cheese Fries, they’re good” Pete said, dropping some cheese on Myka’s Farnsworth
“Oh, sorry” He said, starting to lick it off.
“Ugh! No one wants to see that!” Steve exclaimed.
“Who are you? And what is he doing?” Audrey asked, questioning whether she really wanted to know.
“Pete’s just licking some cheese off the screen, just ignore him.”
“Really? What’s wrong with him?”
“So many things,” Steve replied, “We just act like we have a really big dog.”
As Nathan approached the meeting spot, a Guard member made sure he didn’t have a weapon and let him through.
“What do you want, Nathan,” Jorden asked as she pushed back her black hair.
“Why would someone kill Roger Jackson?” Nathan replied, not sure whether or not he would get an answer.
“Same reason someone would kill John Carter or Lucy Wells, we don’t know,” said one of the other Guard members “and look what I found snooping around”
“Really, Duke? Can’t you do one thing I ask you to do?” Nathan said, quite aware he was never going to do that.
“You more told me than asked” Duke replied with his usual level of sarcasm.
“You should get back to town now before one of them takes you back by themselves,” Jorden said, making sure Nathan heard her.
On their way back to Haven, they started trying to get something out of what Jordan said. “She mentioned Lucy Wells, any idea who that is?” Nathan asked, quite sure of his answer.
“No, I don’t. Any clue why someone would be killing off Guard members?” Duke replied, trying to change the subject.
“What aren’t you telling me, Duke? After this long, I like to think I know when you’re lying.”
“Fine, I knew them, all of them.”
“Why didn’t you say anything, then? Why do you know Guard members anyway.”
“The guard has needed a boat sometimes and I have one, they were my contacts.”
“You and The Guard? That doesn’t make any sense at all.”
“So what? I have a lot of secrets, all right? Either way, why do you care?”
“Because you are the only connection between them besides the Guard. Look, just you can either tell me everything now or at the station, your call.”
“Station it is, off we go.”
Back at the crime scene, they were introducing themselves.
“Pete, we should go, bye,” Steve said, not sure whether he was paying attention or not. “All right then, bye” Helena replied.
“So, who are you? What are you doing in Haven looking into a crime scene?” Audrey asked, still a bit stunned by Pete.
“I’m agent Jinks, ATF, this is agent Donovan, we’re investigating John Carter’s death. We believe his death is connected to Roger Jackson’s death” Steve said as Claudia and Dr. Lucassi went to do other things.
“Doesn’t ATF do more bombers than murders?”
“Normally, yes, but John Carter’s death was a bit odd and clearly worth investigating. With or without your support we will investigate.”
“Fine, hotshot, we’ll help.”
“Good, then- Claude?”
“They went over there; I think they decided to do something besides standing around while we argue.”
“Well, then we should look through their files.”
While at the Herald, Vince, and Dave started talking about Charlotte, and, as usual, they started arguing.
“Vince, we both know that wasn’t her trouble,” Dave said.
“I know, we just have to hope it’s not her daughter”
“We should tell Nathan and Audrey before it’s too late!”
“No! We can’t do that! If they find out they’ll investigate, we can’t let that happen!”
“Why? What happened, Vince? Why is it so important that they don’t find out?”
“Haven was almost destroyed, Dave! When someone reaches infinite density, they implode, she almost took the town with her, Dave!”
At the crime scene, Audrey and Claudia were discussing each other’s past.
“So, what was your favorite band when you were a kid?” Audrey asked
“Garbage, my sister and I used to sing ‘When I Grow Up’ all the time” Claudia replied, “What about you?”
“I always liked The Runaways. Well, the real Audrey Parker did, I just have her memories, which is great.”
“Sounds like Tuesday to me” Audrey smiled
“Same here. Do you have a boyfriend?”
“I did, Todd.”
“What happened?”
“He was in Witness Protection, which worked out great. You seem to have a boyfriend, how’s that going?”
“Great, Nathan’s a very… interesting person.”
At the police station, Nathan was trying to figure out why Duke would lie about knowing the victims. “Duke, what could possibly be your reason for not saying anything about knowing the victims?”
“Vince and Dave told me not to, I don’t know why or how they found out I know them.”
“Vince and Dave? Makes sense, except Vince and Dave were with Dwight on another case” “They were investigating James Larson, my cousin. He’s aware of the Crocker trouble and knows how to use it.”
“And you never said anything about him?” “I thought I had it under control, then he found this flying axe, I don’t know where it is”
“Flying axe? You must be running out of stories or something. What does this axe do, besides fly?”
“It teleports to whomever you want it to and beheads them. When I found him, he was with two people, I don’t know them.”
“When did you find them?”
“Right before you found me. Wait, one of them had the Guard tattoo on their arm.”
Nathan started to say something as Audrey called. “What’s up?” Nathan asked.
“Have you heard about those two ATF agents going around investigating John Carter?”
“No, when did they get here?”
“A few hours ago. They seem to know about something like the Troubles.”
“Do you think they’d know anything about a flying axe?”
“Yes, it sounds like they might.”
“Get them down to the station, we need to keep an eye on them, who knows what they could be up to.”
At the crime scene, Audrey started to wonder about Claudia and Steve. “So, you said you were ATF, right?” Audrey asked, questioning whether they really were ATF.
“Yes, I’ve been ATF for a few years now.”
“Really? I haven’t seen her badge.”
“Well, we only need one.”
“I think are ATF, you have that vibe to you. You, Claude, I don’t think you are, you seem too independent for that.”
“All right, I’m not ATF and Steve was ATF, but not anymore. We work for a secret government warehouse in South Dakota called Warehouse 13.”
“A warehouse? What does this warehouse do exactly?”
“We find and store objects that do unusual things, like turning people into bronze statues.” “Ok then, now that that’s over with, let’s find a troubled person.”
As that was going on, Nathan and Duke were looking for Duke’s cousin. “So, this is where you found them?” Nathan asked.
“Yes, they were right here. Look, there’s a piece of paper.”
“What does it say?”
“It says, ‘when you find the tree, you find us.’”
“What could that mean?”
“I remember James loved school, could that be it?”
“School? Maybe by the tree, he means the Tree of Knowledge.”
“Yes, there was this big tree near the docks, he always called it the Tree of Knowledge.”
“Great, let’s go. I’ll call Audrey and tell her to meet us there.”
After Nathan called her and filled her in, Audrey, Claudia, and Steve got in the rental and headed to the docks. On the way, something odd happened. “Steve, is that your Farnsworth?” Claudia asked.
“Yeah, I think it is. Hey, Pete, what’s up? Pete?” I wonder why he isn’t responding and what’s that on the screen?”
“That’s a big tree near the docks, why would they be near that?” Audrey replied. “I don’t know maybe we’ll get answers when we get there.”
However, when they got there, they didn’t get any answers. “Pete! Are you ok?” Claudia asked as the others woke up.
“Yeah, there was this woman, she threw rocks at us and knocked us out.”
“Telekinesis? That sounds like the the Harlem trouble, Duke’s cousin must be working with her.”
“They said they were going to a boat, it belonged to someone named Duke.”
“All right, Claudia and I will go there, you stay here.”
“I’m going with you; you might need a third,” Helena said, sure about that decision. “Ok, let’s go.”
“Here take this, it should stop the axe if it tries to behead someone,” Artie said, grumpy as usual. “Is that Excalibur?” Audrey asked, knowing the answer.
“Yeah, welcome to the warehouse.”
As they got to Duke’s boat, they felt a cold shiver down their spines. “There it is,” Audrey told them.
“Stop right there. No one gets past me, for I am the Green Knight.” a headless man said as he stood on Duke’s boat.
“Well, that’s weird. Not any weirder than usual, though.” Claudia said.
“One of you must defeat me in battle to prove you worthy of passing. Remember, if you fail, you die.”
“I’ll do it,” Audrey said, confident in her ability.
“No, I’ll do it. Myka’s been teaching me how to swordfight” Claudia said.
“Are you sure, Claude?” Helena asked, worried for her.
“Yeah, I’m sure. I’ve done harder things on this job.”
Back at the tree, Nathan showed up, along with some others.
“Hello, Nathan. Who are your friends here?” Jorden asked.
“I’m Pete, that’s Myka and Artie.”
“They know those two feds. Audrey trusts them, you should do the same.”
“Fine, we will. Where’s Audrey? We want to help her with the trouble.”
“With guns? No, she can handle herself.”
As Claudia dealt a deep slash to the knight with Excalibur, he told her, “You will never get through me, I will stop you.”
“Really, Voldemort? Then how come you’re dead?” She said as she stabs through the Green Knight’s heart. “Let’s go, we have an artifact to grab.”
As they entered, the knight reappeared and said, “Only she may enter,” he said, pointing to Claudia. “You two may not pass.”
“Well then, good luck” Helena told her.
“Wait, he isn’t real. We can just walk through him” Audrey said.
“No, you can’t. That’s not how artifacts work” Claudia said before disappearing into the darkness of the ship. As she went, it got darker and darker, until finally, she found a light part of the ship where she found a tall, dark-haired woman waiting on a chair next to the lantern.
“Hello, Audrey,” The woman said.
“Hello, I’m Claudia. Who are you?” Claudia replied.
“You are not Audrey Parker? Odd, she must not have fought the knight. No matter, you will do just fine. James, our arms, please,” the woman said, as a short man in dark clothes appeared from the darkness.
“Wait, what exactly do you mean by that?” She said as the man grabs their arms and closed his eyes. “What is he doing?”
As Claudia awoke, she realized she was not where she started. “Oh, my head,” she said as a tall, old man approached her.
“Sta bene, signora?” the man asked her.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what that means” she replied.
“Parli italiano? Spreek je Nederlands? את מדברת עיברית?” “כן, אני מדבר עברית (Yes, I speak Hebrew).” Claudia replied “האם אתה מדבר אנגלית?”
“Yes, I speak English. It’s dangerous to be out here at night,” he told her. “My name is Alrck. What’s yours?”
“Claudia. Where am I?”
“You are just outside Red Sea, Sudan. Let me show you the way.”
Back in Haven, Audrey and Helena were waiting on Claudia. “So, you’re Helena, right?”
“Yes, I am. They call me HG.”
“Well then, HG, you know them well?”
“Yes, I do. I like Myka the most.”
“You seem like an odd bunch.”
“That’s certainly one way of putting it.”
As Claudia and Alrck walked to the Red Sea, she started to remember some things. “I was on a dark boat and this woman was sitting next to a lantern.”
“Odd, I wonder why.”
“Yeah, me too. Hey, that’s her.”
“Hello, darling. I hope you’re all right; we didn’t mean to put you in the middle of nowhere” the woman said.
“Who are you? What do you want with me.”
“I’m Lana Diltetbarm, we want you to help us stop this hold that axe has on us.”
“We want to be free. Hello, I’m James Larson.”
“We come here to Red Sea to isolate ourselves from everyone in Haven.”
“All right,” Claudia said, taking a large static bag out of her pocket, “I’ll just stick it in here and everything will be fine.” As she stuck it in, it started to glow. “Ok, that’s weird, but so is everything here,” she said as the axe cut through the bag.
“Look out!” Lana yelled as Claudia pulled Excalibur out from its holster. The axe tried to behead Claudia, but she blocked with Excalibur, making it fall to the ground. Lana grabbed it as Claudia threw another bag at her.
“Ok, now to put that in here,” Claudia said, as Lena opened it in the bag. “Now everything’s safe.”
“I feel free again. Thank you.”
“I’ll take you back now.”
“Where is she?” Helena asked, impatiently.
“Right here” Claudia announced.
“Good, I was worried,” Helena said as she hugged her.
“I take it you dealt with everything,” Nathan said.
“Yes, I did. Back to the station.”
“All right, let’s go.”
After that day, no one from Haven ever crossed paths with a warehouse agent again. Once Audrey ended the troubles, there was no reason to go back. Until Quinn Malory used an artifact, but that’s another story for another time.